Heart Beat in a Storm

Heart Beat in a Storm

Fractured mind. Spayed of kind.
Through thunderous memories, roaring through my time. I’m in decline, can’t mime to say these tears aren’t mine. It exacerbates, as in my mind we procreate, and it’s too late.
Heart mugged, body drugged. Day after shoulders shrugged. It didn’t happen to me, the date, the rape. You can’t deny fate. Overwhelmed by this sudden spate. Of thought. Denial sets in, excuses create.
Heart beat in a storm. Broken thoughts around my head. Sinking stomach filled with lead. Pain each day, tears all bled. You’ll be loved again, it’s said.
All lust is crushed, love pulped to dust. Limerence stands tall with signs of rust; a gleaming statue to mistrust. Can’t explain why I was touched. Surviving by a mental crutch.
Life disappears without a sight, I am a moth without a light. Trapped in darkness late at night, sleep won’t come. Can’t win this fight.
You’re so strong, those words are long. Gone is the strength that once belonged, the light that once with embers shone. I stand and watch as the world moves on. Blind to hope that lies beyond.
The smell of you I can’t escape. Still trapped with you without debate. And when I wake, I sit and shake. Nothing I can do but wait; and wait for fear to dissipate.
My heart is trapped within a crypt. My mind a fortress labyrinth. My soul trapped on sinking ship. To escape from you I’m not equipped.
I don’t believe in God, or pray. But on my knees I fell that day. And I’ve talked and spoken up above. Left here to stay, don’t understand that love. Yet you’re always with me, and I’m still in your bed. And you follow me around inside of my head. Tell me what’s real? Waste of time that I prayed? My body, my soul, my mind all decayed.
Holding onto all that’s left around. As you lay there naked on the ground. Exposed innocence, gripped by hate. Hope is shattered, no, too late.
Though you’ve lost the way to shine. You can still heal, through healing time. I’ll find the power to claim what’s mine. But I’ll start here within this rhyme.

Davie Magill

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Comfort Love

Comfort Love

Here’s that pain again, we just can’t live apart.
It hurts more than my body, my mind is just the start.
It feels just like a hammer, on a rope inside my chest.
It swings around with sadness, with love that doesn’t rest.
My mind it has been broken, because of someone’s lust.
A part of me is missing, I’ve lost the will to trust.

Illuminate my sorrow, with the flame inside my eyes.
I feel this inner anger, a part of your demise?
Love is my only comfort, the other man who makes me cry.
Because each time he breaks my heart, he first makes the pain subside.
It’s you I try to chase, the thoughts won’t let me stand.
I cry as I bow over, I’m a jug poured in your hand.

I’m chasing you in circles, through the corridors of my mind.
I only see more questions, it tears me up inside.
I ask myself the question, “How did I end up here?”
To carry on as normal is to pretend I don’t feel fear.
The fear that you still touch me, this damage you have caused.
But I don’t know the details, just the parts that weren’t on pause.

And I’m losing hope, and a part of me is gone.
I cannot bear to face myself, even my reflection feels so wrong.
Quivering lip, teary eyes, I don’t know which way to go.
The memories play on repeat, and they’re just the ones I know.
I feel I’m in a roundabout, don’t know what road to choose.
I wish I could just stop the thoughts, what were the drugs you used?

I cannot flee this monster, this weight that haunts my soul.
I don’t know if this is fight or flight, because you’ve still got control.
What is it that you do? When friends don’t know what to say?
If a God did let this happen, I won’t waste time to pray.
I cannot find a comfort, except the pain of love.
I’m drowning in this ocean, and there’s no one up above.

I don’t know what hurts more, what you’ve done to me?
Or the love I feel for him? A pain no one else can see.
And I don’t know what to do, whenever people stare.
I just keep zoning out. Is anybody there?
What hurts more than love? Perhaps this other pain.
But at least when love is over, it doesn’t hurt to love again.

Davie Magill

The Shattered Dreams of Broken Future Memories

The Shattered Dreams of Broken Future Memories

It wasn’t love that broke my heart. It was dreaming. I’m a dreamer. I was born in wonderland, fell out of the rabbit hole aged 11 days, 7 hours, 17 minutes and 37 seconds. Only to be collected by a stork, who soon passed me on to a new family. God’s own private courier, who wraps each of us up, and delivers us itself, stamped, packaged and addressed all in a single strand of DNA.

Maybe I’m as mad as a hatter, maybe I’m as crazy as the queen of hearts herself. But perhaps babies cry when they’re born because they’re heartbroken. We all are. Fuelled by past lives, filled with love, and hurt. Only to die one day of a broken heart, before being cast back to earth for one last try. We all deserve love. But heartache explains people who have issues with trust, heartache explains why with the first breath of life we cry, and why we hold our first love so dear; they fix us.

“I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date.”

Maybe we all are. Maybe we all should have been born just a little earlier, just to spend ever so slightly longer; with whoever we may love. I’m a dreamer, just like Alice, falling back down the rabbit hole. I’m a dreamer; and dreaming broke my heart.

Dreaming of what might be, what could be, what I might feel should have been. Plans for the future, plans for whatever lies ahead, you and me. Together in my dreamland. Wonderland.

But dreams aren’t based on reality. Dreams are so easily crushed. It wasn’t love that broke my heart. It was the shattered dreams of broken future memories. Ever since we were children we were taught we could achieve our dreams; and nothing fuels dreaming more than love.

I was brought up on a fairy tale. Taught by every Disney princess I’d find my prince. I dreamed. Maybe if I had dreamed just a little harder I’d still have him, whoever he may be. I’ve loved and lost, princes, paupers, kings. Taught that dreams are as fragile as bubbles, you gotta just put your hands out and hold it because if you hold too tight…*pop*…

I love love. Love always gave me hope. Love always told me my dreams can and will come true. But when I broke my heart I blamed love, when all I really was was heartbroken over broken dreams. So to each and every one of you. I might have loved, and who I’ve lost. My dreams may have changed now. But my love cannot be lost.

So I’ll sit here dreaming. Of the love that might have been. Right down deep in wonderland; playing wonderland croquet, with queen.

Davie Magill