Comfort Love

Comfort Love

Here’s that pain again, we just can’t live apart.
It hurts more than my body, my mind is just the start.
It feels just like a hammer, on a rope inside my chest.
It swings around with sadness, with love that doesn’t rest.
My mind it has been broken, because of someone’s lust.
A part of me is missing, I’ve lost the will to trust.

Illuminate my sorrow, with the flame inside my eyes.
I feel this inner anger, a part of your demise?
Love is my only comfort, the other man who makes me cry.
Because each time he breaks my heart, he first makes the pain subside.
It’s you I try to chase, the thoughts won’t let me stand.
I cry as I bow over, I’m a jug poured in your hand.

I’m chasing you in circles, through the corridors of my mind.
I only see more questions, it tears me up inside.
I ask myself the question, “How did I end up here?”
To carry on as normal is to pretend I don’t feel fear.
The fear that you still touch me, this damage you have caused.
But I don’t know the details, just the parts that weren’t on pause.

And I’m losing hope, and a part of me is gone.
I cannot bear to face myself, even my reflection feels so wrong.
Quivering lip, teary eyes, I don’t know which way to go.
The memories play on repeat, and they’re just the ones I know.
I feel I’m in a roundabout, don’t know what road to choose.
I wish I could just stop the thoughts, what were the drugs you used?

I cannot flee this monster, this weight that haunts my soul.
I don’t know if this is fight or flight, because you’ve still got control.
What is it that you do? When friends don’t know what to say?
If a God did let this happen, I won’t waste time to pray.
I cannot find a comfort, except the pain of love.
I’m drowning in this ocean, and there’s no one up above.

I don’t know what hurts more, what you’ve done to me?
Or the love I feel for him? A pain no one else can see.
And I don’t know what to do, whenever people stare.
I just keep zoning out. Is anybody there?
What hurts more than love? Perhaps this other pain.
But at least when love is over, it doesn’t hurt to love again.

Davie Magill

Alone

So it’s been a long time guys since I wrote something at the start of a Poem. It’s been a tough year, 2016, probably the worst in my life. But coming to the close of this year, and with a tough couple of weeks ahead, I find myself reflecting on some of the poems I wrote when I was younger. 

I think I’m going to begin posting them in the next couple of days to archive them. Having written them when I was 14-15 years old, I now find myself 7 or 8 (we’ll stick with 7) years older, looking at them with a maturity that I didn’t have then. 

It’s nice to know that some parts of my life got exceptionally better, but life isn’t always happy. I’d like to re-post some of my younger work, in hope that a similar kid can read them, perhaps with the same innocence, and find hope in knowing that 7 years later, I can tell them that believe it or not it does get better, that life will be hard, but never to give up. 

Many of you will remember them from my Blogspot days, and I hope you look back at them with the same smile on your face that I have held the last couple of days. Who knew what I had ahead of me back then, and boy has my writing improved! 

Here’s the first, 

Alone 

I sit here in sorrow, as the world passes by.
My eyes fill with tears, and i just have to cry.
I am just a king on God’s board of chess.
Satans got him checked and my life’s a mess.
Someone please help me, I am so alone.
Rotting away to just skin and bone.
I need someone to give me their love.
And watch on when they’re gone and up above.
All feelings are gone and i’m dying inside.
I don’t know weather to stand up or hide.
I have feelings that no one should know.
But I gave them out in one last throw.
Loved ones hands were made to hold.
Even if they’re hot, warm or bitterly cold.
Their arms were made for hugging, Stealing our love in an emotional mugging.
Their hearts made for devotion, love and emotion.
Love which we will treasure forever and ever.

Constant abuse and constant hate.
Can’t do anything, can’t concentrate.
All this stuff is all inside locked away.
All I have left is to plea in pray.
I’m hating life wish it would end.
All I need is the one special friend.
Someone to love and call my own.
The world wouldn’t be so bleak and I wouldnt feel alone.
Loved ones hands were made to hold.
Even if they’re hot, warm or bitterly cold.
Their arms were made for hugging. Stealing our love in an emotional mugging.
Their hearts made for devotion, love and emotion.
Love which we will treasure forever and ever.

Then I see his glance, I catch his eye.
I away wipe my tears and he says, “Hi”
Maybes he’s who I’ve been waiting for?
My heart is racing and I feel I could soar.
Now I have someone to call my own.
I am happy, no longer alone.
I love him he’s a perfect guy.
I’m waving my sadness and sorrow goodbye.
I now have a loved ones hand to hold.
If it’s hot warm or bitterly cold.
I use my arms to wrap around him constantly hugging.
Stealing his love in an emotional mugging.
My heart will give him devotion, love and emotion.
All of which he’ll treasure forever and ever.

Davie Magill

Snowflakes

Snowflakes

A hurting in my chest that winds me; pushing any water drops up through my body until they’re pushed out through my eyes. Those tears trickle. They fall, and they’re caught. Caught by the bed upon which I lie, as I toss and turn through heart-wrenching nights. 

I wish that I was a single teardrop. Only to tickle down someone’s cheek when they are so sad that they can only smile at the feeling. I long to smile. It’s been a long time since I haven’t displayed this poker face. This knight in shining armour, still bearing his helmet, looking like any other. Unrecognisable until he is released from his shiney tomb. By true love’s first kiss. 

But life is not a fairy tale, and people come and go. Heartbreak happens, on the battlefield that lays waste to love. True love. 

That love hurts most. Whether you cause it, or have felt it. Heartbreak can only bring tears to those who have experienced all that it has brought, and all that can be lost. 

Those teardrops that fall can turn to ice; cooled by what feels like is left inside as they drip and fall. A stone cold heart, torn apart on that battlefield, making you believe you’ll never love again.

And like a snowflake falling upon you, love a subtle feeling; nesting on your cheek, through single blush, or a person’s kiss can just as quickly and as fast as snow, melt away. 

Even the biggest snowmen we build, over years, decades, moments. It can all melt away. Ice turns to water, and just like water, love just trickles through no matter how we hold on. 

So next time I cry, I promise to cry snowflakes. I promise to catch them, as they trickle down my face and I’ll think of you. Think of what we’ll have. A snowman so big that not even the sun could melt it. 

But as those tears just melt away, I’ll still have hope. Hope that one day I’ll find you and you’ll catch them. Hope that you and me can build that snowman. Hope that we’ll never let it go.

When that day comes, I’ll hold it’s hand and I promise I’ll not let it slip away. You in one hand, him in the other; like a minister in the marriage of the love between us, promising that nothing will ever tear us apart. 

And when I find you, and when I taste true love’s kiss in my own little fairy tale. That’s when I’ll take off my armour, take off this poker face; because I want to look into your eyes. Nothing in life can be so beautiful as that little twinkle when face to face with that one you love. That’s the snowflake. That twinkle. That’s what I’ll catch. That’s how I know you’ll always love me. Because true love stops snowflakes from melting away. 

Davie Magill

Meant to be

 

Meant to be

We sat there by the shore, I felt how I did before.
I lay my head on your shoulder, whispered, “I love you more.”
You stood in front of me, as I looked out to see.
A metaphor behind your shoulder, the tide could only be.
My hand it found your knee, and I gave it a squeeze;
Because sometimes words aren’t needed, something physical can be the key.
I watched you on the sand, I wish I didn’t feel this way but love is never planned.
I felt a beating in my chest. I put your hand on it to rest.
I heard my heart it beat your name to you, all that I could feel was stress.
We sat down in your car, we were so close I could touch you, I’ve never felt so far.
I’ll think of you before I sleep, no different to each evening, can’t concentrate on sheep.
I’ll wish I could be with you, without the heartache of today.
And I’ll wish I could be near you, without wanting you to stay.
I can’t imagine life without you, so I won’t tell you how I feel,
For now I’ll live with heartache, my heart can only dream. 
You’ll cuddle up beside me, and everything will seem, just how life should always be.
You lying here with me. How can feelings inside us cost so much, when dreaming’s always free.
Why do I keep hanging on, it’s never meant to be.

Davie Magill

Cavity

Cavity

I just want to sit right here and cry
I just want the tears to come, and not these butterflies
I ask myself why?

Why do I feel how I feel when I’m with you?
Why do I lose control and not say what I want to you?
How do I do this thing we call love with you?
I’ve lost control, because there’s only one loving two.

The mountains are tall, and I’m just too small.
To climb to the top of the weight on my chest.
I used to wear these scars like a crest,
But I’m not proud enough of this love to show it.

I want the moment to last a little longer,
When I’m in your arms I only feel stronger,
A hug lasts for seconds, but in ten seconds we’re older.
But i hide from my heart, grow only the bolder.

Butterflies they float around, before and then after.
Inside I feel a deafening laughter.
Why can’t I pull away from your gravity,
Dead butterflies inside are leaving this cavity.

A space filled with the tears from my eyes,
A space inside where my heart often cries.
Trying to wash away the pain of loving you.
Moving on is just what I want to do.

David

Fade

Fade

The pillow where you laid your head.
The smell of you still haunts my bed.
And as I fall asleep to dream.
I wonder how things could have been.

Intentions of us were not clear,
I did not want love to appear.
And now I feel there’s only you.
But loneliness will have to do.

It hurts that you’re not in my arms.
It hurts that I can’t keep you from harm.
I can learn to love again.
Someday you will forget my name.

I place my hand where I held you near.
And now I know what it is to fear.
Love always seems to have a cost.
Without you in my life I’m lost.

So long as you have happiness.
I’ll at least have semi-bliss.
You’ll always be inside my heart.
It’s been that way right from the start.

Tears I have are bound to stain.
Memories of the pain.
No matter how long, I feel the same.
I cannot win, this is love’s game.

This is not goodbye, nor is it hello.
I just know that I have got to go.
Hopefully my love will fade away,
But I fear you’re in my heart to stay.

Davie Magill

Feel

Feel

I just want to keep on breathing
But it’s hard, thinking of you
The tightness in my chest,
I can’t go on I need a rest
From the way I feel about you every day

I wish that time could go back
To the start to start again
I’d try so hard not to fall
But I know I’d fall into this pain

Why do I try to fight the way I feel
I’m already gone, somewhere lost in your eyes
And it feels the only option is to sever ties
To say goodbyes

But I can’t go on
How do I move forward without you
And why do I keep falling back
One day I can take it, the next a torture rack

And it’s tearing me apart, limb by limb
Because I’m reaching with my arms
and you’re always too far away
To hold you like I dream

To whisper in your ear
To tell you every fear
And the biggest one is just to say
I feel

Davie Magill