Meant to be

 

Meant to be

We sat there by the shore, I felt how I did before.
I lay my head on your shoulder, whispered, “I love you more.”
You stood in front of me, as I looked out to see.
A metaphor behind your shoulder, the tide could only be.
My hand it found your knee, and I gave it a squeeze;
Because sometimes words aren’t needed, something physical can be the key.
I watched you on the sand, I wish I didn’t feel this way but love is never planned.
I felt a beating in my chest. I put your hand on it to rest.
I heard my heart it beat your name to you, all that I could feel was stress.
We sat down in your car, we were so close I could touch you, I’ve never felt so far.
I’ll think of you before I sleep, no different to each evening, can’t concentrate on sheep.
I’ll wish I could be with you, without the heartache of today.
And I’ll wish I could be near you, without wanting you to stay.
I can’t imagine life without you, so I won’t tell you how I feel,
For now I’ll live with heartache, my heart can only dream. 
You’ll cuddle up beside me, and everything will seem, just how life should always be.
You lying here with me. How can feelings inside us cost so much, when dreaming’s always free.
Why do I keep hanging on, it’s never meant to be.

Davie Magill

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Fade

Fade

The pillow where you laid your head.
The smell of you still haunts my bed.
And as I fall asleep to dream.
I wonder how things could have been.

Intentions of us were not clear,
I did not want love to appear.
And now I feel there’s only you.
But loneliness will have to do.

It hurts that you’re not in my arms.
It hurts that I can’t keep you from harm.
I can learn to love again.
Someday you will forget my name.

I place my hand where I held you near.
And now I know what it is to fear.
Love always seems to have a cost.
Without you in my life I’m lost.

So long as you have happiness.
I’ll at least have semi-bliss.
You’ll always be inside my heart.
It’s been that way right from the start.

Tears I have are bound to stain.
Memories of the pain.
No matter how long, I feel the same.
I cannot win, this is love’s game.

This is not goodbye, nor is it hello.
I just know that I have got to go.
Hopefully my love will fade away,
But I fear you’re in my heart to stay.

Davie Magill

Want vs Sense; Sense vs Butterflies 

Want vs Sense; Sense vs Butterflies 

I know what this feeling is. Letting go.
I’ve felt it before. This inner struggle of want and sense.
Your heavy heart fighting the butterflies in your stomach.
That heavy heart overflowing with the tears you wish you could weep.
But you just don’t have the strength to cry.

I wish those butterflies would drown.
As morbid as that thought may be.
Because if they were gone, my heavy heart would have nothing to dampen.
And perhaps then I could go on to someone new.

Even if they flew away, far away.
Or even close enough to catch them.
Label the jar “fragile do not touch.”
Or “Harmful and Hazardous: Avoid contact with heart.”

I wish I didn’t have them but they’re the closest thing I have to you.
Maybe that’s why I’m holding on.
I just don’t want to let you go.
So I stand there, holding back the tears.
Not because I’m scared to cry, but to prevent them drowning butterflies.

Sense tells me to move on. Time and time again.
Long before my misery.
Do I listen?
Do I fuck.
But I knew it was there, and you’d think that would prepare you for an emotional suicide. But no.
Note to self, “butterflies kick senses butt. Get rid of butterflies.”

“In my dreams.”
What we say when something can’t be true.
It must be why when I’m in my dreams I’m with you.
We can’t happen. Not only because I don’t want it to, but because- well.
That would be more than just a silly poem.

I wish I could cry. Crying might get it out.
But all I can muster is tears in my eyes.
Which sting as I walk through the cold night air.
Wandering aimlessly, looking at the stars in the sky.
Hoping that at least some of them spell out goodbye.
Because that word just doesn’t seem to exist.

And why? Why? Why?
I ask over and over.
Why do you do this to yourself? Time and again.
Butterflies. Butterflies is why.
I wish sometimes there was no such thing as love.
No searching, no hoping, no believing it’s out there.
No attachment, no hurting, no drowning butterflies.

Because love and butterflies are one and the same.
They start of small and grow larger.
They’re both colourful and wild.
They’re fragile when you have them.
And too often they just fly away.
Who knew eh?
Sense did.
Did I listen?
Did I fuck.

I just wanted you to hold me. Still do.
Always the person you can’t have, always the one you need more than anyone.
And I just want to let them go.
Just watch them fly, float on by.
For the sake of a crappy rhyme.
Because I just don’t have the time.
Because my diary is full of butterflies.

Fucking butterflies.

Davie Magill