Comfort Love

Comfort Love

Here’s that pain again, we just can’t live apart.
It hurts more than my body, my mind is just the start.
It feels just like a hammer, on a rope inside my chest.
It swings around with sadness, with love that doesn’t rest.
My mind it has been broken, because of someone’s lust.
A part of me is missing, I’ve lost the will to trust.

Illuminate my sorrow, with the flame inside my eyes.
I feel this inner anger, a part of your demise?
Love is my only comfort, the other man who makes me cry.
Because each time he breaks my heart, he first makes the pain subside.
It’s you I try to chase, the thoughts won’t let me stand.
I cry as I bow over, I’m a jug poured in your hand.

I’m chasing you in circles, through the corridors of my mind.
I only see more questions, it tears me up inside.
I ask myself the question, “How did I end up here?”
To carry on as normal is to pretend I don’t feel fear.
The fear that you still touch me, this damage you have caused.
But I don’t know the details, just the parts that weren’t on pause.

And I’m losing hope, and a part of me is gone.
I cannot bear to face myself, even my reflection feels so wrong.
Quivering lip, teary eyes, I don’t know which way to go.
The memories play on repeat, and they’re just the ones I know.
I feel I’m in a roundabout, don’t know what road to choose.
I wish I could just stop the thoughts, what were the drugs you used?

I cannot flee this monster, this weight that haunts my soul.
I don’t know if this is fight or flight, because you’ve still got control.
What is it that you do? When friends don’t know what to say?
If a God did let this happen, I won’t waste time to pray.
I cannot find a comfort, except the pain of love.
I’m drowning in this ocean, and there’s no one up above.

I don’t know what hurts more, what you’ve done to me?
Or the love I feel for him? A pain no one else can see.
And I don’t know what to do, whenever people stare.
I just keep zoning out. Is anybody there?
What hurts more than love? Perhaps this other pain.
But at least when love is over, it doesn’t hurt to love again.

Davie Magill

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Poppy Seeds

Poppy Seeds

Whispering winds through fields. Whispering how I’m meant to feel.
Bird’s call in the chime. I know it’s the time. I know it’s the time.
Time for never again. Time for stay, time for go. Time for saying it all.
Perhaps my mistake, is in the fields. Perhaps it is disguised.
Disguised by a veil. Of amber and gold. The sunflowers in the fields.
They turn, they follow the sun. But they are lost at night. With only the cold. The sunflowers grow old.
Like I do with time. Time makes it worse, it cuts out my chest.
My heart is in my hands. I don’t know what to do. What is there left to do?

I think I’m losing my mind.
My body and soul they lie in the fields. Amongst the poppy seeds.
While I’m inside looking on. Inside of my home, my living hell. My room a prison cell.
A room blocked off from all in the fields. I think I’m losing it all.
My body, my soul they lie in the fields, amongst those poppy seeds.
My body, my soul.
They lie in the fields. Amongst those poppy seeds.

I seem to have misplaced my love.
They’re trapped in rose bush thorns.
My body is covered in blood.
It lies there in those poppy fields.
With love stuck there in the thorns.
My heart still in my hands. Blood pouring from my chest.
What can I do. This pumping charm. It lies here in my hand.
No love can take it, while trapped in thorns.
To keep it safe. It needs kept safe.
Before I say goodbye.
I can’t say goodbye, when I’m kept safe. Please save me from these harms.

I’m stuck in here alive. Looking out to fields.
I see my body and soul. They rest, inside those poppy fields. They lie amongst the seeds.
A graveyard lying low. Were soldiers once were felled.
Buried below, the fields growing lead.
Beneath the bullets spread.
These poppy seeds they cut me down. Perhaps I chose to die.
I gave up hope, when I lost my love. Amongst those rosey thorns.
While I was trapped. I must look on. Before it is goodbye.

This heart in my hand. It whispers that I can.
It tells me, to squeeze it tight.
I hold it, with my might.
Don’t give up this fight. Give into this fight.
I begin to turn around. Away from the fields.
I don’t know why.
I think I’m losing it all. My love. My body. My soul.
I leave this prison cell. I slip between the bars.
Bars made to hold bodies inside. But I am the spirit of man.
I slip between the cracks. Into the broken land.
My heart in my hand. It’s still beating in my hand.

I come across a knife. It whispers to me. Like blades of grass.
I understand it’s time.
I tell my heart goodbye.
The tears on my face make pools.
But spirits are immaterial things.
I stab my beating heart. The beating slowly fades. It’s broken.
It broke long before. It stopped whenever I lost my love.
Now I have lost my life.
So I must say goodbye.
Goodbye to my body and soul. Goodbye to my love. Goodbye to my life.

Now I must say it all.
Hello to the world. This wonderful life.
And so I start again.
Following like those sunflowers.
This little tiny seed.
Where is my mind? Where’s all I need.
Not here. It’s gone. Trapped amongst those poppy seeds.
Perhaps I’ll never die. I’ve already said goodbye.
Let me find my love. My body, my soul, immaterial things.
I need my life to love. I need love to live.
I am a sunflower, following a sun.
Without it I am lost. When I’m lost I’ll be in poppy seeds.
And that’s when we’ll start again.
Until then I’ll be waiting, inside my prison cell.
Inside this living hell.

Davie Magill

One Way Love

One Way Love

Look to my eyes as I whisper I love you. 
Steady my hand as you walk away. 
All I’ve needed in life was always to hold you. 
So hold me, come hold me today. 

All I want to do is tell you I love you. 
But you can’t see what’s in front of eyes. 
Each smile a whisper, to tell you I need you. 
But with each goodbye a part of me dies.

The goosebumps on my skin spell out I love you.
But you are blind to the message they share. 
All I want is your heartbeat whenever I hold you. 
But when I turn in bed you’re not there. 

I think you know, without me saying I love you. 
That I want you more than you choose to care. 
But that’s okay, because I still know you. 
Even though that pain feels too much to bear. 

Davie Magill